PROMETHEUS (2012) dir. Ridley Scott

Let’s get you up to speed on the saga to date...the scary moody one, the guns one, the Northern English one, the French one, and now Prometheus, which predates them all in the timeline and shall be referred to as the confusing one!

Ridley Scott takes the helm for the first time since the first Alien movie and goes about confusing us all as to how those little Alien rascals came into being in the first place.

I once got in a lift with Ridley Scott and it’s the ONLY time I’ve ever told someone in the biz how much I love what they do and really enjoy their work…it was awkward, I don’t want to talk about it.

Oooh they were made to be used as a weapon, oh no they were designed to do menial household tasks, maybe they were a Christmas toy craze gone wrong?...who cares! 

These scientist geeks travel bloody miles frozen in a box to go to a planet where these beings of higher intelligence come from....who made US or something....I think.

So then Michael Fassbender, who is a robot, mugs everyone off by infecting them with some alien frogspawn. Just a side-note but the majority of robots in this series of films are dicks, you'd think they'd have sorted out their behavior chips by now - Ian Holm was a dick in the first one always banging on about 'Mother', then the one in Aliens was a bit pointless and simpering, and now you've got Fassbender's one who is a big fan of poisoning people.

I don't think Charlize Theron's character is a robot, but she acts like one...oh no wait she fancies the captain so maybe not......SEE IT'S CONFUSING!

So then they discover these big weird human like aliens and they turn out to be quite aggressive and they try and kill everyone immediately with no discussion at all, there was no ‘Oh yeah Earth is it? Yeah sounds lovely, we’ll pop round for a cup of tea some time’.

So they discover a whole extra race of aliens that wants to kill us beyond the regular lot. Cool.

So then the last of the big human aliens kisses the squid alien and then that spawns the Alien we are all familiar with....what? Am I in a fever dream?

7/10