GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY (2014) dir. James Gunn

The award-winning formula in Marvel movies is alive and well in GOTG. Action…joke…action…joke…romance...serious moment…lighten the mood again…action…joke.

That said there’s plenty of action considering that one character ‘Groot’ (Chewbacca) is a tree that only says three words…an achievement in itself given that he’s a tree I guess.

Our hero ‘Quill’ (Solo/Skywalker combo) is boring and one-dimensional…he still listens to the same mix-tape his mom made him when he was a kid CONSTANTLY!

Yeah I know it’s all entwined with him not wanting to let go of his mom’s memory cause she died of cancer and BLAH BLAH BLAH! I DON’T CARE NO ONES MUSIC TASTES STAGNATE TO THE POINT THAT ONE MIX-TAPE OF TUNES IS ENOUGH!

They really skipped a lot of stuff in this movie. Quill as a kid gets grabbed by alien mercenary types right after his mom croaks…and then IT’S THE FUTURE!...I think…IN SPACE!...and he is now Han Solo!...what?

If you want to watch this movie RIGHT NOW from the comfort of your own home, find a station showing some melodrama where a family member is dying of cancer, and another station showing Star Trek, and at a really sad moment in the family show just switch over to Star Trek and keep watching pretending that the sad little boy is now Captain Kirk…that’ll do the trick.

Bradley Cooper voices a sort of space rat. The space rat is best mates with the tree. I think the rat was born in the tree or something, that wasn’t made clear either.

And there’s a green chick that the hero is desperate to bang, see I told you we were in Star Trek territory.

6/10